Sigh. There is so much crap out there when it comes to advice on relationships. And have you noticed, it is almost ALWAYS geared toward women. How to get your man to fall in love all over again. How to keep your man happy. How to know if your man is cheating. How you (read: you woman) are causing harm to your relationships. Even an article on what (supposedly) real women expect from men turned out to be an eye-rolling filled disappointment.
Why do we make it so freakin’ complicated? Why is it that almost all relationship advice is geared towards women? Aren’t men in relationships too? Shouldn’t they, too, be concerned with forging and keeping healthy relationships? Can there ever really be any “rules” for dating? No two people are the same, so for sure; no two pairs of people are the same. Besides rules like ‘if someone treats you like crap all the time, you should probably leave them’ and ‘the best way to earn a partner’s trust is to actually act in a manner that deserves trust’, why are we all so eager to fit our relationships into a socially defined mould and listen to the random-yet-abundant relationship advice of others?
So, here I am telling you it is probably not the best idea to follow the often hare-brained and complicated relationship guidance of others. If you want to quit cold turkey you might want to stop reading now. It’s okay. I would be half-way pleased that you took my advice.
Ok. I guess you decided to stay out of sheer boredom or (just maybe) the fact that I struck a chord with you. I will even settle for bringing a smile to your face. So here is my take on relationships: (slightly anti-climactic drum roll please) what is the best way to find someone you are actually compatible with, who you will be able to have a worthwhile relationship? Stop focusing on finding/getting them. Go out and be the best damned you you can be. Go back to school. Travel. Go hiking. Take a cooking class you have always wanted to take. Volunteer somewhere. When you work on being the best you can be, something incredible happens…you start to really like who you are, you become fun and interesting to yourself. When this seemingly simple thing happens, others notice it too. When you are doing what you love, you are bound to meet other people who love the same things as you do. And when you are happy with yourself for who you are, it opens the doors for another person to be happy with the real you too.
To me it seems like common sense, although it was certainly not always like that for me. I have dated a lot. And I mean a lot. And for the most part it has been fun. I try to take something positive with me from every relationship. Granted, some of those involved a very liberal definition of relationship, but that is okay. I learned a lot about myself and others—I learned what I wanted and needed out a partner, and what I did NOT want and need. I also learned what I could give and what I couldn’t, and learned many ways in which I needed to grow up—and don’t get me wrong, I am still learning many ways in which I need to grow up…it is a lifelong process!
I have gone through many phases is my relatively short life. There have been many ups and downs—with jobs, school, health, relationships… As I have gotten older, I have learned to roll with the punches, learned to be confident and have tried to make myself into a person that I can be proud of. I still have many mistakes left to make, and hopefully learn from, but overall I am happy with who I am. This process has allowed me to get better and better each time when it comes to relationships and in finding partners who are loving and worthwhile.
Ok…that is enough of the rambling-journal-blah-blah-blah. Summing it up: it is not so complicated. Men and women want fulfilling, caring relationships, and both men and women have to work to keep those relationships going. Just be yourself and be happy with who you are. If you are not happy with yourself, no one else will be able to be either. And even if you don’t immediately find your ideal mate, you can learn to love yourself and have a lot of fun along the way. To me, that is worth it.
No comments:
Post a Comment