Consider that for every man who suffers from depression, 2 women do. Why? So many factors need to be taken into account.
It is far less socially acceptable for men to be depressed, less accepted for them to cry or show emotions equated with anything *less than strong and tough.
Women are still unequal in this society. I don't give a shit if women say they are "liberated" by stripping classes showing off their thongs (well actaully I do care). Women are still undervalued. Still objectified, still make less money for doing the exact same job (and then often going home to do yet another job).
How do we determine if more women are depressed than men? Why is that? And what to do about it?
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Sunday, November 21, 2010
The TRUTH about retail
Working in retail at this stage in my life has actually been a huge learning process, and has been quite humbling as well. I work with many wonderful people who work hard and are just trying to make a living. That said, it has been extremely eye-opening in regards to human nature. Here are a few surprising things I have learned.
1. People buy the same CRAP over and over and over again. The same ugly ties, shirts, socks that all end up at the thrift store fly off the shelves like they are freaking platinum.
2. The holidays apparently make people crazy and more and more like mindless zombies every day. Why would a store stock a cheap as hell wooden pig puzzle (yes, pig puzzle)the retails for $20? Because people are desperate to shop for gifts, will see a sale..."Oh my God! This pig puzzle is on sale for only $10!!!" and they will buy it. Everytime.
3. People buy what the store tells them to buy. If something is not selling very well, a store can put it near the checkout in a halfway cool looking display and people will ooh and aah and buy them all out. If shirts are not selling so well, taking them off the floor for a week and putting them back out is enough to make them sell like hotcakes. Or just removing all but a few items does the same trick.
4. Nothing is new and exciting. I work in a store that I shopped in as teenager. I saw the exact same shirt (in new colors) that I bought ten years ago. Yes, I mean EXACTLY the same shirt. I went to another store after realizing this and saw a purple knitted shirt that I had bought in red 7 years ago.
5. Most likely a store knows when a person is stealing something. The store security cameras can practically see the pores on your skin. If the in-store police officer is on duty, he or she would absolutely LOVE to catch you at it and they often do. And the store clerks notice when people rip off tags and stuff them somewhere.
6. It is not only teenagers that steal. This is a common and unfair misconception. Yes, the juniors section is a pretty big hot spot, but many adults steal too. And theft has no gender or style boundaries. The shoplifters I have seen do not fit the cliche bill. They are usually dressed nicely and look like they could easily afford the stupid shit they are stealing.
7. A store is an incredible experiment in sociology. Most customers are very nice and respectful, but sadly, some treat retail workers like unpaid servants. Yes, we would be happy to help you, but we do not deserve the huge piles of clothes turned inside out and left in knots in the dressing room, the coffee cups shoved under benches and other similar messes. For 7-8 bucks an hour, keep in mind: retail workers are not maids, we deserve a smile and a smidge of respect. Just as it says A LOT about you how you treat your server at a restaurant, it also says a lot about you how you act when you walk in a store. Have a heart, have some class and you can make our days tremendously more meaningful.
8. Products are being made as cheaply as absolutely possible. Everyone is trying to save money, including the product manufacturers. That shirt you have had your eye on for weeks (the one that is so expensive you have to wait for it to go on sale), is made with the cheapest zipper possible, the cheapest fabric possible and, if you look at the seams, is put together pretty shabbily too. I am not just talking about less expensive stores, but nice department stores too. I am a long time sewing enthusiast, and it makes me mad to see people spending their hard earned money on a shirt that will look misshapen and faded in a few months.
9. Retail workers are like a great underpaid family. Though the pay is not enough to support yourself much less a family, the people bond over what they do on a daily basis. They laugh when customer is funny, they help each other out when one needs it and they all work together to get the job done. At the end of a long, inglorious day, retail workers may be exhausted, but they can still share a laugh and wave each other good bye in the parking lot, and all to do it again the next day.
Everyone is working hard right now. Everyone deserves a little respect, regardless of their job.
1. People buy the same CRAP over and over and over again. The same ugly ties, shirts, socks that all end up at the thrift store fly off the shelves like they are freaking platinum.
2. The holidays apparently make people crazy and more and more like mindless zombies every day. Why would a store stock a cheap as hell wooden pig puzzle (yes, pig puzzle)the retails for $20? Because people are desperate to shop for gifts, will see a sale..."Oh my God! This pig puzzle is on sale for only $10!!!" and they will buy it. Everytime.
3. People buy what the store tells them to buy. If something is not selling very well, a store can put it near the checkout in a halfway cool looking display and people will ooh and aah and buy them all out. If shirts are not selling so well, taking them off the floor for a week and putting them back out is enough to make them sell like hotcakes. Or just removing all but a few items does the same trick.
4. Nothing is new and exciting. I work in a store that I shopped in as teenager. I saw the exact same shirt (in new colors) that I bought ten years ago. Yes, I mean EXACTLY the same shirt. I went to another store after realizing this and saw a purple knitted shirt that I had bought in red 7 years ago.
5. Most likely a store knows when a person is stealing something. The store security cameras can practically see the pores on your skin. If the in-store police officer is on duty, he or she would absolutely LOVE to catch you at it and they often do. And the store clerks notice when people rip off tags and stuff them somewhere.
6. It is not only teenagers that steal. This is a common and unfair misconception. Yes, the juniors section is a pretty big hot spot, but many adults steal too. And theft has no gender or style boundaries. The shoplifters I have seen do not fit the cliche bill. They are usually dressed nicely and look like they could easily afford the stupid shit they are stealing.
7. A store is an incredible experiment in sociology. Most customers are very nice and respectful, but sadly, some treat retail workers like unpaid servants. Yes, we would be happy to help you, but we do not deserve the huge piles of clothes turned inside out and left in knots in the dressing room, the coffee cups shoved under benches and other similar messes. For 7-8 bucks an hour, keep in mind: retail workers are not maids, we deserve a smile and a smidge of respect. Just as it says A LOT about you how you treat your server at a restaurant, it also says a lot about you how you act when you walk in a store. Have a heart, have some class and you can make our days tremendously more meaningful.
8. Products are being made as cheaply as absolutely possible. Everyone is trying to save money, including the product manufacturers. That shirt you have had your eye on for weeks (the one that is so expensive you have to wait for it to go on sale), is made with the cheapest zipper possible, the cheapest fabric possible and, if you look at the seams, is put together pretty shabbily too. I am not just talking about less expensive stores, but nice department stores too. I am a long time sewing enthusiast, and it makes me mad to see people spending their hard earned money on a shirt that will look misshapen and faded in a few months.
9. Retail workers are like a great underpaid family. Though the pay is not enough to support yourself much less a family, the people bond over what they do on a daily basis. They laugh when customer is funny, they help each other out when one needs it and they all work together to get the job done. At the end of a long, inglorious day, retail workers may be exhausted, but they can still share a laugh and wave each other good bye in the parking lot, and all to do it again the next day.
Everyone is working hard right now. Everyone deserves a little respect, regardless of their job.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
But I can get through it all...
Money is tight. I owe some, for sure. I am in a pretty boring town with nice people but no dear friends. I am trying to figure out how to make things work.
But all of that is okay. Wonderful, in fact. Because I have the most magnificent thing in the whole world waiting patiently for me across the ocean.
I can't think of one thing better, nor can I think of any bad thing that overshadows loving and being loved. It is all so worth it. Even after a long, hard day, I am happy when I lay down to go to sleep. That feels so good.
One of my favorite love songs...right here
But all of that is okay. Wonderful, in fact. Because I have the most magnificent thing in the whole world waiting patiently for me across the ocean.
I can't think of one thing better, nor can I think of any bad thing that overshadows loving and being loved. It is all so worth it. Even after a long, hard day, I am happy when I lay down to go to sleep. That feels so good.
One of my favorite love songs...right here
Working 1 hour barely buys me a gallon of milk and a box of cereal to eat with it.
Okay. This is a bit embarrassing to admit because I am almost done with my M.A., but it is true: I did not know if I should laugh or cry at the supermarket the other day when I realized that I had to work for a whole hour to buy body wash and a tiny container of tuna. So I put the body wash back. And I was mad when I got home because I realized that in the 2 and a half years that I have been out of the U.S., the tuna can has gotten significantly smaller AND more expensive. Yet I am still making the exact same wage as I did 7 years ago working at a fabric store. Only now I am in debt for grad school. Awesome.
Am I the only one who thinks there is something wrong with this picture?
I was out and about today and I had a short, pleasant conversation with a young store clerk. He had a sling on his arm, but he was still working cheerfully. I asked him about it, and he disclosed that he had been injured in a football game and had to have surgery in just a few days. I said that I hope his insurance was covering it. He said that his insurance coughs up 80% and he has to cover the rest, which is over $1000. In a very lighthearted manner, he said he has been working 3 jobs just so he can pay for it. This nice kid couldn't have been more than 20.
Gas and food prices have gone up. Rent has gone up. There are less jobs and wages have stayed exactly the same. Why isn't anyone talking about this?
Am I the only one who thinks there is something wrong with this picture?
I was out and about today and I had a short, pleasant conversation with a young store clerk. He had a sling on his arm, but he was still working cheerfully. I asked him about it, and he disclosed that he had been injured in a football game and had to have surgery in just a few days. I said that I hope his insurance was covering it. He said that his insurance coughs up 80% and he has to cover the rest, which is over $1000. In a very lighthearted manner, he said he has been working 3 jobs just so he can pay for it. This nice kid couldn't have been more than 20.
Gas and food prices have gone up. Rent has gone up. There are less jobs and wages have stayed exactly the same. Why isn't anyone talking about this?
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Saving sand dollars
I have long since felt that people reveal their true nature by how they treat the most seemingly insignificant creatures. With disdain, ambivalence or compassion...
A few weeks ago, I was at a beautiful, windy and scarcely populated beach here in Sarasota. I had been told it was a perfect beach to treasure hunt for sand dollars. It was!
Wading out into the gulf, I found dozens of the beauties with my feet, just below the sand. A few others around me were finding them too.
As I carried my handful back to the shore, two women stopped me and kindly told me that the ones I had gathered were still alive. They told me how to tell which were dead and okay to keep. They said I could do whatever I wished, they just wanted to let me know. My Mom, who had also scavenged an armful, dropped them instantly and thanked the women for letting her know. I was a bit hesitant but after a mini internal grumble, I dropped them to the gulf bottom.
Another person in my party had heard the advice but taken them to the shore already, saying that it was just a few measly sand dollars and it wasn't hurting anyone.
Now my mission in this is not to be a big sand dollar saving hippie--though I would not mind if that point got across, but to think about how that type of thinking can do such great damage. Just think if everyone had that mindset. What would it do to our earth? Sadly too many people, too many corporations act out of this same line of reasoning.
It is just one. Just a few. Just a few don't matter. That is absolutely not true.
It is just one tiny creature in that beautiful sand dollar, but my quality of life really isn't any better if I bleach it to death so I can put it in my bathroom.
A few weeks ago, I was at a beautiful, windy and scarcely populated beach here in Sarasota. I had been told it was a perfect beach to treasure hunt for sand dollars. It was!
Wading out into the gulf, I found dozens of the beauties with my feet, just below the sand. A few others around me were finding them too.
As I carried my handful back to the shore, two women stopped me and kindly told me that the ones I had gathered were still alive. They told me how to tell which were dead and okay to keep. They said I could do whatever I wished, they just wanted to let me know. My Mom, who had also scavenged an armful, dropped them instantly and thanked the women for letting her know. I was a bit hesitant but after a mini internal grumble, I dropped them to the gulf bottom.
Another person in my party had heard the advice but taken them to the shore already, saying that it was just a few measly sand dollars and it wasn't hurting anyone.
Now my mission in this is not to be a big sand dollar saving hippie--though I would not mind if that point got across, but to think about how that type of thinking can do such great damage. Just think if everyone had that mindset. What would it do to our earth? Sadly too many people, too many corporations act out of this same line of reasoning.
It is just one. Just a few. Just a few don't matter. That is absolutely not true.
It is just one tiny creature in that beautiful sand dollar, but my quality of life really isn't any better if I bleach it to death so I can put it in my bathroom.
Here is to CHANGE.
As a feminist woman, why should I give a damn if men get involved in the pursuit of a gender equitable society? Why should I care about how men view feminism?
Because without men on board, nothing will ever change.
Because without men on board, nothing will ever change.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Does "winning" a war mean nothing or everything?
Many people have explored the idea that there are no winners in war. That there is such irony in calling oneself a winner of a war.
Let me think about it.
If there is a winner, then it is certainly (presumably) a loser. Or several losers. What happens when people lose a game? If a person is a "bad loser" they can become angry and bitter and often act in negative or aggressive ways. I have witnessed bad losers before. But only in games. Like board games or bowling or mini golf. I am not the best loser when it comes to Monopoly for sure.
And sports games. Crowds can get violent after an important game. During the World Cup--and I imagine other organized games as well--violence against women goes up significantly in the country of the losing team. Let me put that into more specific words so the meaning is not dulled: When a team loses a game in the World Cup, more women in that country are violently beaten that night. Because aggression goes up after experiencing a loss. Of a football game.
And in war? If bad losers of board games and football games can act in such ways, what about the losers of a war? And not without reason. Not to say the actions are justified, but I can see how the actions of a loser in war could grow infinitely. If losing means that I see the death of my countrypeople all around me, if losing means that I fall witness to torture and rape and humiliation, if losing means starving and having no place to call home--then yes. I can imagine being a bad loser a very likely thing indeed.
What happens to those feelings after such a loss? They do not fade away into nothingness. They do not slowly dim, resulting in ambiguity.
I can only imagine that they grow. Mutate. Fester into hatred that cannot be forgotten. I can't even imagine feeling this. I am beyond fortunate.
Even in my extremely basic understanding of physics, I understand the principle that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. So when people lose in war, the hatred, hurt and desperation must transform into something. If that cannot be turned towards the supposed winner of the war, then it must turn on someone else.
So I ask: does violence ever solve anything?
And the winner? I never really understood how a country or group of people can win a war. To me, that is a cruel slap in the face to every person whose life was lost fighting in that war; a slap in the face to every person who has loved a person who has died fighting to "win".
Yes, I have heard the greater good argument. But it is easy to make that argument when you are still alive. When all of your loved ones are cozy in their beds.
So even when a war is won, the victory is soiled with much blood. And those who do make it home after the war is over? Have they won when they cannot forget all of the violent things they have seen, all of the violent things they have been told to do? If this is what winning is, then my concept of winning and losing needs much reflection...
some afterthoughts...
The lives that are lost to win a war need to be heavily examined. The powerful people that determine if a country goes to war will rarely risk their lives, or the lives of their loved ones. In the U.S., economics play such a huge part in who enlists in the military. It is often the only forseeable choice for young U.S. Americans who cannot afford or no desire to go to university. These people, the ones who will actually risk their lives (and sometimes lose them) to achieve "the greater good" have no power or decision making rights. It is ridiculous to me that the ones deciding where the blood may be spilled, risk none of their own blood. Again, it is easy to wage a violent war when you are safe in your luxurious office.
Also, a friend made a good comment, that warfare should only be waged as an absolute last resort, when everything else has been exhausted. We need to exhaust more options. Of course millions of people are much more complicated than a couple in a relationship, but certainly the priciple can be expanded to war; in a fight between two people in a relationship, there can be many outcomes.
If the people are invested in one another, they will either resolve their conflict so both partners can go on feeling fufilled,cared for and respected, OR they will leave the conflict in a way so one partner is satisfied with the outcome and the other is not. The other partner is then left feeling as though they do not matter as much in the relationship. I don't know about you, but I have experienced this and it is a terrible feeling. Those relationships either end or go on with one partner delusionaly satisfied and the other feeling unfufilled and disconnected.
War is way more complicated than a relationship between two people for sure, but the principles of relationships can apply to many levels.
Let me think about it.
If there is a winner, then it is certainly (presumably) a loser. Or several losers. What happens when people lose a game? If a person is a "bad loser" they can become angry and bitter and often act in negative or aggressive ways. I have witnessed bad losers before. But only in games. Like board games or bowling or mini golf. I am not the best loser when it comes to Monopoly for sure.
And sports games. Crowds can get violent after an important game. During the World Cup--and I imagine other organized games as well--violence against women goes up significantly in the country of the losing team. Let me put that into more specific words so the meaning is not dulled: When a team loses a game in the World Cup, more women in that country are violently beaten that night. Because aggression goes up after experiencing a loss. Of a football game.
And in war? If bad losers of board games and football games can act in such ways, what about the losers of a war? And not without reason. Not to say the actions are justified, but I can see how the actions of a loser in war could grow infinitely. If losing means that I see the death of my countrypeople all around me, if losing means that I fall witness to torture and rape and humiliation, if losing means starving and having no place to call home--then yes. I can imagine being a bad loser a very likely thing indeed.
What happens to those feelings after such a loss? They do not fade away into nothingness. They do not slowly dim, resulting in ambiguity.
I can only imagine that they grow. Mutate. Fester into hatred that cannot be forgotten. I can't even imagine feeling this. I am beyond fortunate.
Even in my extremely basic understanding of physics, I understand the principle that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. So when people lose in war, the hatred, hurt and desperation must transform into something. If that cannot be turned towards the supposed winner of the war, then it must turn on someone else.
So I ask: does violence ever solve anything?
And the winner? I never really understood how a country or group of people can win a war. To me, that is a cruel slap in the face to every person whose life was lost fighting in that war; a slap in the face to every person who has loved a person who has died fighting to "win".
Yes, I have heard the greater good argument. But it is easy to make that argument when you are still alive. When all of your loved ones are cozy in their beds.
So even when a war is won, the victory is soiled with much blood. And those who do make it home after the war is over? Have they won when they cannot forget all of the violent things they have seen, all of the violent things they have been told to do? If this is what winning is, then my concept of winning and losing needs much reflection...
some afterthoughts...
The lives that are lost to win a war need to be heavily examined. The powerful people that determine if a country goes to war will rarely risk their lives, or the lives of their loved ones. In the U.S., economics play such a huge part in who enlists in the military. It is often the only forseeable choice for young U.S. Americans who cannot afford or no desire to go to university. These people, the ones who will actually risk their lives (and sometimes lose them) to achieve "the greater good" have no power or decision making rights. It is ridiculous to me that the ones deciding where the blood may be spilled, risk none of their own blood. Again, it is easy to wage a violent war when you are safe in your luxurious office.
Also, a friend made a good comment, that warfare should only be waged as an absolute last resort, when everything else has been exhausted. We need to exhaust more options. Of course millions of people are much more complicated than a couple in a relationship, but certainly the priciple can be expanded to war; in a fight between two people in a relationship, there can be many outcomes.
If the people are invested in one another, they will either resolve their conflict so both partners can go on feeling fufilled,cared for and respected, OR they will leave the conflict in a way so one partner is satisfied with the outcome and the other is not. The other partner is then left feeling as though they do not matter as much in the relationship. I don't know about you, but I have experienced this and it is a terrible feeling. Those relationships either end or go on with one partner delusionaly satisfied and the other feeling unfufilled and disconnected.
War is way more complicated than a relationship between two people for sure, but the principles of relationships can apply to many levels.
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