Does it have to take a tragedy for us to change?

My partner told me that his stocks for a solar power development company just rose 4% in the past 10 minutes on top of a 10% rise in the past few hours. He told me this at the exact moment I was reading an article about the sharply falling odds of a nuclear revival in the U.S.

According to another article on MSNBC, as of 2002, 47,000 metric tons of spent fuel (which is now radioactive waste) has accumulated in the U.S. and is still waiting to be properly stored. Whatever ''properly stored'' means...

So what do I take from this? Something catastrophically horrible has happened and NOW we are starting to care. Never mind that we have long since known the potential dangers of nuclear energy and the ridiculousness of the 'out of sight out of mind' theory when applied to the pileup of radioactive material.

I want my parents to eat healthy and exercise so they live a long time. I have always bugged them about it. Yes, I am sure it has been annoying at times, but I bug them because I love them. I do not want them to be one of those people who have a heart attack and THEN realize they need to start being healthy.

Why does it so often take something tragic happening for people to start to change their ways for the better?

Let's start thinking about the future today. Hopefully the world will be here (and in tact) for our children and their children. We need to stop being so short sided when it comes to taking care of the earth and each other.

I hope all of my (and your) friends and loved ones in Japan are going to be okay.

The last day that I will ever be 28

What a strange thought.

What made up this year? Good and bad things, just like any other year. I have been lucky enough to start the year out in Costa Rica, followed by Colorado, then Florida and finally ending my 28th year in Belgium.

My family has a wonderful new edition: my brother married an amazing woman and I love her already. She also has a great family that I will get to know as my life goes on.
I had to be separated from my love for 6 months with only a short stint of seeing each other to break up that awful length.

I worked a shitty, pathetically paid job in retail, but I had some wonderful co-workers and learned a lot. I think I also got a bit of an attitude from that experience, but I think it might be a good thing. I am much less likely to take crap from people for no reason now.

I am feeling a bit strange this birthday. I was watching a tv show where the main character got into an accident. All of his friends dropped what they were doing and rushed to him, worried and wanting to make sure he was ok. It made me sad. I have had some wonderful adventures these past years. Since leaving Virginia in autumn, 2007, I have been to Korea, Thailand, Cambodia, Japan, Costa Rica, U.S. and now Belgium. I love seeing new places and I am so thankful for all of the incredible things I have been able to do. But that little show made me realize what I have been missing. Now don’t get me wrong, I have had some fantastic friends along the way. But the thing is…I left them. Or they left. I have been in places where people do not stay.

That scene made me miss a real circle of good friends. I miss the support, the companionship, the fun. It has been a long time since I had that. In Korea I just started to have that sense. And then I had to leave. In Costa Rica, I met a lot of wonderful people, but a deadline of a year was in my mind. And then I had to leave. I think I am tired of leaving. I want to invest in a place and make a life there with friends and loved ones. I still want to travel and have adventures. I just miss having a home base.

I want to dedicate these 28 years to all of the friends and loved ones I have had who would drop everything and come see me if I were in the hospital. You mean so much to me, so thank you…

America's Favorite Pastime

I remember hearing when I was kid that baseball was our favorite pastime. Maybe that just means I am old.

But my age is not what my concern is here. It is our favorite pastime. Coming home to U.S. has been an eye opener. What do I see families doing together? What do friends get together to do? What do people who need an afternoon just for themselves decide on?

In my idealistic and romantic mind, I come up with many charming and fun possibilities: going hiking in the mountains; sitting at a little cafe and chatting and watching the world go by, going to see a neat little foreign film at the indie theater then splurging on a piece of chocolate cake at the bakery next door; going for a long bike ride in the park.

I realise that 1. many people still do these things, and 2. that I have watched way to many old movies.

But even though these things all still take place, I feel there is a huge monster looming over them, threatening to stomp them out like the embers of a campfire. So can you guess what this monster is? What is U.S. American's all time favorite pastime?

Shopping.

I have lived in several towns in the U.S. where all there is to do is shop. And have you noticed that all towns are starting to look more and more alike? They all have the big box stores crowded soullessly around a main road.

What do people do when they are bored or eager for fun or just want to get out? They go shopping. All the time. Even when they don't need anything, even when they are exhausted. Shop, shop, shop, shop. Have we all become shopping zombies?

I can't help but feeling that this current mindset really keeps people in their place. We work a crappy job, make just enough money to go out and buy crap we really don't need, then go home and watch tv because we are so tired from working and shopping. Sounds super fun when I put it like that, huh?

We do not spend our money on things to enrich our lives in any way. A shirt and pants hardly contribute to better life quality. Are we so brainwashed that we actually think pointless crap makes our lives better somehow? I am starting to wish people acted like they did in the old movies I love so much... I am bored of the house, honey. Let's go take a drive to the coast! Or maybe We have been working way too hard, let's take the family to the park! Anything seems better that driving to the nearest shopping mall and spending my pitiful, hard-earned salary on a shirt that will look shabby after 3 washes.

What would the world be like if we spent our money on life-enriching and relationship-strengthening activities? If we actually did things together that did not involve handing our hard-earned cash over to a poorly paid shop clerk? Think of what we could do with all that extra money!!!

What would our lives be like? I am thinking they would be a whole lot better.

Depression

Consider that for every man who suffers from depression, 2 women do. Why? So many factors need to be taken into account.

It is far less socially acceptable for men to be depressed, less accepted for them to cry or show emotions equated with anything *less than strong and tough.

Women are still unequal in this society. I don't give a shit if women say they are "liberated" by stripping classes showing off their thongs (well actaully I do care). Women are still undervalued. Still objectified, still make less money for doing the exact same job (and then often going home to do yet another job).

How do we determine if more women are depressed than men? Why is that? And what to do about it?

The TRUTH about retail

Working in retail at this stage in my life has actually been a huge learning process, and has been quite humbling as well. I work with many wonderful people who work hard and are just trying to make a living. That said, it has been extremely eye-opening in regards to human nature. Here are a few surprising things I have learned.

1. People buy the same CRAP over and over and over again. The same ugly ties, shirts, socks that all end up at the thrift store fly off the shelves like they are freaking platinum.

2. The holidays apparently make people crazy and more and more like mindless zombies every day. Why would a store stock a cheap as hell wooden pig puzzle (yes, pig puzzle)the retails for $20? Because people are desperate to shop for gifts, will see a sale..."Oh my God! This pig puzzle is on sale for only $10!!!" and they will buy it. Everytime.

3. People buy what the store tells them to buy. If something is not selling very well, a store can put it near the checkout in a halfway cool looking display and people will ooh and aah and buy them all out. If shirts are not selling so well, taking them off the floor for a week and putting them back out is enough to make them sell like hotcakes. Or just removing all but a few items does the same trick.

4. Nothing is new and exciting. I work in a store that I shopped in as teenager. I saw the exact same shirt (in new colors) that I bought ten years ago. Yes, I mean EXACTLY the same shirt. I went to another store after realizing this and saw a purple knitted shirt that I had bought in red 7 years ago.

5. Most likely a store knows when a person is stealing something. The store security cameras can practically see the pores on your skin. If the in-store police officer is on duty, he or she would absolutely LOVE to catch you at it and they often do. And the store clerks notice when people rip off tags and stuff them somewhere.

6. It is not only teenagers that steal. This is a common and unfair misconception. Yes, the juniors section is a pretty big hot spot, but many adults steal too. And theft has no gender or style boundaries. The shoplifters I have seen do not fit the cliche bill. They are usually dressed nicely and look like they could easily afford the stupid shit they are stealing.

7. A store is an incredible experiment in sociology. Most customers are very nice and respectful, but sadly, some treat retail workers like unpaid servants. Yes, we would be happy to help you, but we do not deserve the huge piles of clothes turned inside out and left in knots in the dressing room, the coffee cups shoved under benches and other similar messes. For 7-8 bucks an hour, keep in mind: retail workers are not maids, we deserve a smile and a smidge of respect. Just as it says A LOT about you how you treat your server at a restaurant, it also says a lot about you how you act when you walk in a store. Have a heart, have some class and you can make our days tremendously more meaningful.

8. Products are being made as cheaply as absolutely possible. Everyone is trying to save money, including the product manufacturers. That shirt you have had your eye on for weeks (the one that is so expensive you have to wait for it to go on sale), is made with the cheapest zipper possible, the cheapest fabric possible and, if you look at the seams, is put together pretty shabbily too. I am not just talking about less expensive stores, but nice department stores too. I am a long time sewing enthusiast, and it makes me mad to see people spending their hard earned money on a shirt that will look misshapen and faded in a few months.

9. Retail workers are like a great underpaid family. Though the pay is not enough to support yourself much less a family, the people bond over what they do on a daily basis. They laugh when customer is funny, they help each other out when one needs it and they all work together to get the job done. At the end of a long, inglorious day, retail workers may be exhausted, but they can still share a laugh and wave each other good bye in the parking lot, and all to do it again the next day.

Everyone is working hard right now. Everyone deserves a little respect, regardless of their job.

But I can get through it all...

Money is tight. I owe some, for sure. I am in a pretty boring town with nice people but no dear friends. I am trying to figure out how to make things work.

But all of that is okay. Wonderful, in fact. Because I have the most magnificent thing in the whole world waiting patiently for me across the ocean.

I can't think of one thing better, nor can I think of any bad thing that overshadows loving and being loved. It is all so worth it. Even after a long, hard day, I am happy when I lay down to go to sleep. That feels so good.

One of my favorite love songs...right here

Working 1 hour barely buys me a gallon of milk and a box of cereal to eat with it.

Okay. This is a bit embarrassing to admit because I am almost done with my M.A., but it is true: I did not know if I should laugh or cry at the supermarket the other day when I realized that I had to work for a whole hour to buy body wash and a tiny container of tuna. So I put the body wash back. And I was mad when I got home because I realized that in the 2 and a half years that I have been out of the U.S., the tuna can has gotten significantly smaller AND more expensive. Yet I am still making the exact same wage as I did 7 years ago working at a fabric store. Only now I am in debt for grad school. Awesome.

Am I the only one who thinks there is something wrong with this picture?

I was out and about today and I had a short, pleasant conversation with a young store clerk. He had a sling on his arm, but he was still working cheerfully. I asked him about it, and he disclosed that he had been injured in a football game and had to have surgery in just a few days. I said that I hope his insurance was covering it. He said that his insurance coughs up 80% and he has to cover the rest, which is over $1000. In a very lighthearted manner, he said he has been working 3 jobs just so he can pay for it. This nice kid couldn't have been more than 20.

Gas and food prices have gone up. Rent has gone up. There are less jobs and wages have stayed exactly the same. Why isn't anyone talking about this?